The Narcissist Losing Control….

It has been sad that when a narcissist is exposed with his games, lies, manipulations and slander – that in their mind it becomes war. It’s literally like they feel as if they need to fight for their life! Meaning, although the narcissist may be fooling, manipulating and playing games with multiple people at the same time, it’s a totally different story when they are found out by multiple people in the same time frame! I was privy to seeing my narcissist, what was in my opinion, him losing control. It seemed like his maliciousness, lies and uncaring attitude had recently reached an all time high because not only were these actions directed towards the usual ‘victims’, but now i saw people who had always been on the ‘off limits’ list now become targets in his line of fire. Even my dog fell victim to his out of control dysfunctions but that’s another story that I DO NOT want to talk about right now.

Without going into too much detail, their was a situation that occurred a few months ago where relationships went sour, tons of accusations made and just an overall mess involving many people. Oh yes, my narcissist played the role well, having us all convinced he had nothing to do with it – even me, who has known him the longest, knowing how he is and knowing what he is capable of, never thought that he would cross this line with the people involved. In the end though he told on himself during one of his fits and rages. Revealing that ultimately he was the culprit who did the deed that caused relationships to crumble while sitting back and watching trust be broken between people, secrets told (I believe mainly, if not ONLY, by him) and family members throwing other family members under the bus. I also found out, after the fact, that he told some of MY secrets and added a few things to them, slandered my name yet again, and told some of the most RIDICULOUS lies that even the people he was telling them to knew better! No, none of this is foreign territory to the narcissist but when it happens over a short time and to people who he has always held some kind of boundaries with in certain areas, then it’s my belief – at least with MY narcissist – that they were at a point of desperation because they were losing control. I’m also a Christian, a firm believer in God and yes, I do subscribe to the “you reap what you sow” belief which is why I truly believe that where he is now (jail) is just the beginning of God dealing with him and his bad behavior. In Christianity there is a believe by many Christians that when God begins to deal with a person, they often get worse before they get better. I believe this is the beginning of the storm for my narcissist and I’m believing that one day in the future I’ll be able to blog about his miraculous turn around. In the meantime, I continue to make great strides on my journey to heal from childhood trauma and narcissistic abuse.

The Conundrum Of The Narcissist

I’m not sure if I should say I HAVE a narcissist in my life, or HAD one. I guess technically he’s still in it, just not on a relationship level and yes, that IS possible because while I believe that the recommended ways to handle a narcissist are tried, true and beneficial, I also believe that each situation will have its unique circumstances and exceptions because of the differences in personality and strengths of the so called ‘victim’. Yes, at the core, the ‘victims’ of narcissists usually have dysfunctions and issues that attracted and kept the narcissist in their life but it’s not a one size fits all, set in stone, be all end all solution on dealing with those kinds of people for EVERYONE 100% of the time and with that said, I’ll get to the sad point of this blog. I don’t justify or excuse ANY of the behavior and/or choices a narcissist engages in or makes but when you think about some of the things that contributed to them becoming this way, it really can be heart breaking. Without being too therapeutic, because I’m not a therapist, I’ll just focus on ONE of the factors that is believed to be a factor to narcissism and therefore leads to this viscous cycle in my opinion.

Somewhere, back in the narcissist’s early life, they LEARNED that they couldn’t depend on those that they should have been able to, so from this they come to believe that its only themselves they can count on, hence the self centered “its all about me, I have to look out for me because nobody else will” mentality. Yes, their are other factors and other theories out there about how narcissism comes into play, but none-the-less, what I just described is definitely an element. The conundrum lies within the scenario of the narcissist not feeling that they can open up and
trust, learned at that crucial age, and that they have to take care of themselves by any means necessary. As a result, they engage in behaviors that hurt and alienate others. This in turn most times causes the recipient of these behaviors to call them to call them on their sh**, exposing them and their manipulative plans, but because the narcissist has created such an air tight fantasy world about themselves, they take your exposure of them as personal attacks thereby exacerbating the “the world is against me” mentality. So in just looking at that one component, what is a person to do?

I’m not saying that it’s the duty of the people that are in the line of fire of the narcissist to be compassionate and understanding towards the narcissist for THEM, but I AM suggesting that if you’re going to educate yourself on the tactics of a narcissist, that it would also be beneficial to understand the ‘why’s’ in terms of origin. I know for me personally, its only been in the recent months that I’ve made a CHOICE to have an element of compassion on the sad, pathetic existence of a narcissist – not for them, but for me and in making this choice, it didn’t change HOW i dealt with my situation, but it did give ME a little more peace of mind. That’s just me.

Analyzing The Three Little Kittens

This blog right here is on a very random topic. To some it may seem little ridiculous. Some may even ask “why does she even care?” and honestly, its just one of those things that caught my attention and has stayed in my mind as I have been watching nursery rhymes with my 16 month old granddaughter. Not long ago I was forced to endure several hours worth of these rhymes, some new some old, and even with the old ones I’ve realized that when I was growing up I was only getting a fraction of the entire rhyme. It was amazing to find out just how many verses there is in Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I don’t know why, maybe it had something to do with the mood that I was in, but when The Three Little Kittens came on something caught my attention. Actually, a lot of things in that nursery rhyme caught my attention. Let’s begin to break down what I would call the wrongness of that rhyme and mind you, I do realize that it is intended to entertain children of a very young age and that I am being very technical. First and foremost, why are kittens talking, let alone singing? Why are they running around in there Sunday best, wearing mittens? And my last mental conundrum I seem to be having borders on the question of, “does the crime fit the punishment?” I mean, you have three cats that obviously don’t know any better, hence the use of the word “kittens” who simply have lost a clothing accessory. Extreme mother or an abusive one? Im not really seeing a correlation between losing your mittens and not being able to have a slice of pie. How did they go from being “naughty” due to losing the mittens to next being “silly” for finding them? If anyone cares to shed some light or share their opinion about this or any other nursery rhyme, please feel free to do so and once again, this ‘observation’ was all done in fun.