Sooo…here I am again. Blogging. Finally doing what I’ve been wanting to get back to doing and my long list of blog topics that I’ve made over the last few months is my testimony to that desire. Why I didn’t start again until now is a different blog, different day, different time. Anyway, my INTENTIONS are to make this short but I know how that goes!
Where to start? Well, to begin with I’m pretty much a social network junkie, techno nerd, gadget geek – true, their are way more deserving of those titles because they eat, sleep and drink that lifestyle 24/7 but even though I’m not at that point, YET, I can definitely tell you about the impact it has on me and my life. Im a loner. A loner by nature. A loner by choice. Always have been since I was a kid. Yes, I have “friends” but it never seems to fail that at any given time period, I’m either attached at the hip to only one or I’m once again, by myself. Lately, I’ve dove head on into the Twitter pool. Prior to that it was non-stop on Facebook (embarrassing to admit). Not to toot my own horn but on both networks, even though my intentions are to stay quietly in the background, I always end up “forming relationships” to some extent or another. While this is good, and I cherish every one of them (@rupertcheek, @superheroswife), I’ve recently finally figured out what that uneasy feeling is that I get when these “formings” occur and why I subconsciously/unintentionally tend to withdraw from them. The answer was as simple as this: while I like my solitude, my “lonerism”, and while I’m also ok interacting with people and for the most part don’t have any hangups when it comes to feeling like I can conversate in an intelligent manner or keep a decent dialogue, the fact still remains is that when I finally do go head on into the social arena, meet some really cool people (see above referenced as just part of the many) and make some kind of connection, it rattles me because in the back of my mind, I’m constantly reminded of what is missing in my life. I know it probably sounds weird or contradictory because I just got done saying that im content with my loner lifestyle. And I am. But that’s not to say that their are times that I do want more friendship connections. People I have chemistry with and can plan to do things with. People that are on the same page as me. People that are half way intelligent, can hold a conversation, and above anything else (well, right up there with) can make me laugh! People I get along with!
Socializing forces me, EVERY TIME, to look at and analyze my being. My choices. My current situation. I’m forced to recognize and acknowledge to myself that my life IS missing that certain puzzle piece that could perhaps add to it in a positive way and in pondering these things, it does somewhat, for lack of better words, bring an element of sadness. Or maybe it’s also that it knocks me off my high horse in Lonerville and opens my eyes to the realization that if making connections with other people, no matter how real or virtual they may be, gets me this stirred up, that it might be time to reconsider my choices and start making an effort to be more people-friendly. If that’s a journey that I decide to embark on, then I will definitely make sure to journal it in my blog!