The Conundrum Of The Narcissist

I’m not sure if I should say I HAVE a narcissist in my life, or HAD one. I guess technically he’s still in it, just not on a relationship level and yes, that IS possible because while I believe that the recommended ways to handle a narcissist are tried, true and beneficial, I also believe that each situation will have its unique circumstances and exceptions because of the differences in personality and strengths of the so called ‘victim’. Yes, at the core, the ‘victims’ of narcissists usually have dysfunctions and issues that attracted and kept the narcissist in their life but it’s not a one size fits all, set in stone, be all end all solution on dealing with those kinds of people for EVERYONE 100% of the time and with that said, I’ll get to the sad point of this blog. I don’t justify or excuse ANY of the behavior and/or choices a narcissist engages in or makes but when you think about some of the things that contributed to them becoming this way, it really can be heart breaking. Without being too therapeutic, because I’m not a therapist, I’ll just focus on ONE of the factors that is believed to be a factor to narcissism and therefore leads to this viscous cycle in my opinion.

Somewhere, back in the narcissist’s early life, they LEARNED that they couldn’t depend on those that they should have been able to, so from this they come to believe that its only themselves they can count on, hence the self centered “its all about me, I have to look out for me because nobody else will” mentality. Yes, their are other factors and other theories out there about how narcissism comes into play, but none-the-less, what I just described is definitely an element. The conundrum lies within the scenario of the narcissist not feeling that they can open up and
trust, learned at that crucial age, and that they have to take care of themselves by any means necessary. As a result, they engage in behaviors that hurt and alienate others. This in turn most times causes the recipient of these behaviors to call them to call them on their sh**, exposing them and their manipulative plans, but because the narcissist has created such an air tight fantasy world about themselves, they take your exposure of them as personal attacks thereby exacerbating the “the world is against me” mentality. So in just looking at that one component, what is a person to do?

I’m not saying that it’s the duty of the people that are in the line of fire of the narcissist to be compassionate and understanding towards the narcissist for THEM, but I AM suggesting that if you’re going to educate yourself on the tactics of a narcissist, that it would also be beneficial to understand the ‘why’s’ in terms of origin. I know for me personally, its only been in the recent months that I’ve made a CHOICE to have an element of compassion on the sad, pathetic existence of a narcissist – not for them, but for me and in making this choice, it didn’t change HOW i dealt with my situation, but it did give ME a little more peace of mind. That’s just me.

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Analyzing The Three Little Kittens

This blog right here is on a very random topic. To some it may seem little ridiculous. Some may even ask “why does she even care?” and honestly, its just one of those things that caught my attention and has stayed in my mind as I have been watching nursery rhymes with my 16 month old granddaughter. Not long ago I was forced to endure several hours worth of these rhymes, some new some old, and even with the old ones I’ve realized that when I was growing up I was only getting a fraction of the entire rhyme. It was amazing to find out just how many verses there is in Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I don’t know why, maybe it had something to do with the mood that I was in, but when The Three Little Kittens came on something caught my attention. Actually, a lot of things in that nursery rhyme caught my attention. Let’s begin to break down what I would call the wrongness of that rhyme and mind you, I do realize that it is intended to entertain children of a very young age and that I am being very technical. First and foremost, why are kittens talking, let alone singing? Why are they running around in there Sunday best, wearing mittens? And my last mental conundrum I seem to be having borders on the question of, “does the crime fit the punishment?” I mean, you have three cats that obviously don’t know any better, hence the use of the word “kittens” who simply have lost a clothing accessory. Extreme mother or an abusive one? Im not really seeing a correlation between losing your mittens and not being able to have a slice of pie. How did they go from being “naughty” due to losing the mittens to next being “silly” for finding them? If anyone cares to shed some light or share their opinion about this or any other nursery rhyme, please feel free to do so and once again, this ‘observation’ was all done in fun.

Empowered!

Just wanted to share something which is what I call a bit of self revelation based on experiences that I’ve had with the narcissist in my own life. Because I have a few friends that also have narcissists, psycho and sociopaths, emotionally abusive partners and overall unhealthy relationships in their lives, I always remind them of this point in hopes that it may give them some hope to feel empowered:

It goes without saying that people treat you the way that you allow them to. Of course, it’s not always so simple when we have issues that most likely originate from childhood. But the one thing I had absolutely no problem reminding MY narcissist of, is that without me and all the other dysfunctional women in the world, HE WOULD BE NOTHING! He’d have nobody to prey on, live off of, to impress with HIS fantasy realities of himself or play these ridiculous manipulation games with! He’d totally be up a creek without a paddle! Although knowing this doesn’t make the pain go away, always remember that YOU ultimately have the power. Even though you’ve given it to him or her, you have the right to revoke it the moment that you come into the realization that you deserve better!