I’m not sure if I should say I HAVE a narcissist in my life, or HAD one. I guess technically he’s still in it, just not on a relationship level and yes, that IS possible because while I believe that the recommended ways to handle a narcissist are tried, true and beneficial, I also believe that each situation will have its unique circumstances and exceptions because of the differences in personality and strengths of the so called ‘victim’. Yes, at the core, the ‘victims’ of narcissists usually have dysfunctions and issues that attracted and kept the narcissist in their life but it’s not a one size fits all, set in stone, be all end all solution on dealing with those kinds of people for EVERYONE 100% of the time and with that said, I’ll get to the sad point of this blog. I don’t justify or excuse ANY of the behavior and/or choices a narcissist engages in or makes but when you think about some of the things that contributed to them becoming this way, it really can be heart breaking. Without being too therapeutic, because I’m not a therapist, I’ll just focus on ONE of the factors that is believed to be a factor to narcissism and therefore leads to this viscous cycle in my opinion.
Somewhere, back in the narcissist’s early life, they LEARNED that they couldn’t depend on those that they should have been able to, so from this they come to believe that its only themselves they can count on, hence the self centered “its all about me, I have to look out for me because nobody else will” mentality. Yes, their are other factors and other theories out there about how narcissism comes into play, but none-the-less, what I just described is definitely an element. The conundrum lies within the scenario of the narcissist not feeling that they can open up and
trust, learned at that crucial age, and that they have to take care of themselves by any means necessary. As a result, they engage in behaviors that hurt and alienate others. This in turn most times causes the recipient of these behaviors to call them to call them on their sh**, exposing them and their manipulative plans, but because the narcissist has created such an air tight fantasy world about themselves, they take your exposure of them as personal attacks thereby exacerbating the “the world is against me” mentality. So in just looking at that one component, what is a person to do?
I’m not saying that it’s the duty of the people that are in the line of fire of the narcissist to be compassionate and understanding towards the narcissist for THEM, but I AM suggesting that if you’re going to educate yourself on the tactics of a narcissist, that it would also be beneficial to understand the ‘why’s’ in terms of origin. I know for me personally, its only been in the recent months that I’ve made a CHOICE to have an element of compassion on the sad, pathetic existence of a narcissist – not for them, but for me and in making this choice, it didn’t change HOW i dealt with my situation, but it did give ME a little more peace of mind. That’s just me.