Maybe I should rephrase that title to: In A Perfect World, I Would Already Love Myself because truthfully, I wish I didn’t have to learn this. I wish that it just was. See, in my sometimes messed up logic, if there’s things about you that you don’t like or even hate, then forcing yourself to accept them is to me an element of the Band-Aid Factor. You may accept them, but that doesn’t mean at the end of the day you’re any closer to liking them. It’s like you’re just going along for the ride. When I look in the mirror I don’t want to have to put in extra work forcing myself to come to terms with something that I see that I don’t like. I want to be able to look in the mirror, see a flaw and keep it moving. I don’t want to have to go on some journey only to arrive at Acceptance Alley. I’m not saying that when I look in the mirror that I want to see perfection because I know that even in a perfect world, that will never happen. I just hate that I’m having to exert so much energy on liking myself. Real talk.
Last night I found myself asking the question: Is there any situation that’s more eye opening and reality revealing than being in a relationship or close interaction with a Narcissist? I’m not talking about someone who’s narcissistic, but rather someone who’s been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In my opinion, the answer just might be a big no. The only thing that I could think of that even comes remotely close is that of being in a drug addiction. Both scenarios force you to take a long hard look at yourself and ultimately address any core issues and dysfunctions that are unhealed that are at the heart of the toxic chaos you allow into your life. One uses a tangible tool that has the capacity to destroy your body physically and mentally. The other requires a living being to be the tool or messenger if you will, that most always deeply affects your mental, emotional and potentially physical condition. Regardless of which scenerio you find yourself in or if unlucky, you find yourself in both, one happening as a byproduct of the other, but the starting point always being the same: those parts of you that have always told you that you’re not good enough or you’re not worthy or that you have to compare and compete in order to stay in the game and HOPE to be noticed. Those parts that yell so loudly over and over and over “pick me! choose me! let who I am be enough to not be swayed to leave me! love me – flaws and all!”.