Dealing With This Phase Of The Healing

Last night I found myself asking the question: Is there any situation that’s more eye opening and reality revealing than being in a relationship or close interaction with a Narcissist? I’m not talking about someone who’s narcissistic, but rather someone who’s been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In my opinion, the answer just might be a big no. The only thing that I could think of that even comes remotely close is that of being in a drug addiction. Both scenarios force you to take a long hard look at yourself and ultimately address any core issues and dysfunctions that are unhealed that are at the heart of the toxic chaos you allow into your life. One uses a tangible tool that has the capacity to destroy your body physically and mentally. The other requires a living being to be the tool or messenger if you will, that most always deeply affects your mental, emotional and potentially physical condition. Regardless of which scenerio you find yourself in or if unlucky, you find yourself in both, one happening as a byproduct of the other, but the starting point always being the same: those parts of you that have always told you that you’re not good enough or you’re not worthy or that you have to compare and compete in order to stay in the game and HOPE to be noticed. Those parts that yell so loudly over and over and over “pick me! choose me! let who I am be enough to not be swayed to leave me! love me – flaws and all!”. 

Technological Detoxing

This won’t be my usual whining and complaining blog but instead a few words on how I’m being rudely awakened on the issue of my dependence on my electronics. Yesterday in church, the pastor asked if we would as a congregation, collectively fast this week every day until 12 noon. He said he wouldn’t tell us HOW to do it nor would he tell us WHAT to give up but gave some suggestions such as: “if you get up every morning and have to have that coffee faithfully, then let that be the thing you focus on giving up”. “If you sit in front of the TV in the morning, keep it off…”. Basically, I believe he was saying that in addition to the traditional fasting without food, also cut out the one thing you think you can’t do without or that would be a major sacrifice for you. BINGO! you guessed it – for me it’s my electronics which means no iPod iTouch, no iPad, no Netbook, no PC, no phone, no texting and no emailing! Grrrrrr….!!! And by the way – although I originally wrote this with prehistoric pen and paper, it’s now after 12 noon so I’m obviously within the parameters of permission to plug back into the Matrix and now type this on my iPad in order to upload and post! Just sayin…….lol! At the time I pecked this out on stone with a sharp instrument like they did back in the day, it was about 10:30 and I had not had any food either so I may become a little incoherent with my thoughts as you get further into this.

Anyway, I feel totally lost – AND BORED – but am now asking the question, “Am I on the brink of addiction to this stuff? Have I really become so dependent on these things if I’m feeling this way?”. It’s sad to say, well not say but I guess for people to read, that I like many, have come to replace good old fashioned (although I don’t know how ‘good’ it really is – its all relative I guess), twice as long pen and paper effort with quick texting and impersonal emailing. To THAT I say “Oh well – it is what it is. I’ve never been a social butterfly anyway! Lol.” However, I have heard the commercial that says when you type, you don’t use your brain as much – well, at least my fingers are strong. On my down time (which I seem to have an abundance of these days) I also noticed that I don’t OPT (meaning CHOOSE) to get outside in the air as much as I used to but instead I OPT (there’s that word again) to stay immobile and be on the lookout for my pop-up alerts telling me that my crops are ready to be harvested in Farmville or that my cell phones are ready for shipment in We City or it’s my move in Words With Friends oh and let’s not forget my obsession with posting, commenting or just reading things on FACEBOOK and Twitter every 10 minutes (or less). My TV is literally collecting dust because I seriously DO NOT turn it on anymore due to seemingly always be in multitasking mode – I need to get the right angle of view, be able to get the comfort level of my liking – even if that means being covered in 5 layers of blankets – or just the ability to be able to pause, rewind, stop, or watch it again and because of these factors, I’ll watch my DVD’s and TV episodes on my PC, Netbook or albeit smaller – my portable DVD player. Now you tell me – is this extreme to you or not? Please say you’re worse or at least know SOMEBODY of equal craziness!

My point on closing is not to proclaim that I’ve had some harsh wakeup call from going cold turkey with my electronics for a few hours and that I’m now seeing that a 12 Step program called EA (Electronics Anonymous) is inevitably in my future and because of all this I’m considering becoming an activist for going back to the days of pre-advanced technology – NEVER COULD, NEVER WOULD! I’m just simply writing to let others know about my first day journey through HELL and that at the end of this week – since he didn’t specify the 5 day work week or the literal 7 day one, I’m going to use a technical loophole and go with the 5 day one – possibly see how this has affected me. I’m definitely curious to see if I can stick this out.

I know that we all use technology to different degrees and for different purposes. Take my friend Jo, who’s NOT a fan of FACEBOOK, chatting or even phone conversations but she will not hesitate to send me a 200 page (give or take a few pages) email on a daily basis – although I haven’t heard from her in a minute…..hmmmm? Aaron my son is the walking billboard for FACEBOOK – nothing else matters to him – he lives for FACEBOOK and that’s how he communicates with his friends – even the ones who he may be in the same room with at that moment! Then I have another friend, Melissa. Haven’t quite figured her out yet and where she stands in this world of wireless but i do know she’s not a FACEBOOK person but will hold a text conversation with you in a minute (provided she’s not busy – we’ve had some deep ones about our parents and about the good ole days when we were younger). So with all that said, I’m glad to know I’m not alone but I am realizing in those few hours of feeling paralyzed just how much I’ve allowed technology to dig its claws into me. Bottom line: would I go back and change it? Nope! Lol! At the time I originally was wrote this and was almost done, I had 40 minutes left before I could officially plug back in to my little virtual world so what I did was go open my front door, take in a few breaths in the name of “getting some fresh air”, then went back to my room and counted down the minutes! I chanted over and over, “Mama’s comin Farmville! Mama’s comin”

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