Stay Thankful

Taking time out to remember to be grateful – not just for the good things that have happened in my life, but for the bad as well. I don’t know who your higher power is, but mine says that everything happens for a reason. Good. Bad. Somewhere in between. It all works out and i personally believe that whether you look to a higher power, have a spiritual outlook or look to the good in everything, if you stay positive and remember to count your blessings even in the not so good times, everything will work out! As they say….every cloud has a silver lining and their IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay positive and live in the moment because tomorrow is never promised and you may end up wasting precious time stressing over something that may never come to pass! Live!

Technological Detoxing

This won’t be my usual whining and complaining blog but instead a few words on how I’m being rudely awakened on the issue of my dependence on my electronics. Yesterday in church, the pastor asked if we would as a congregation, collectively fast this week every day until 12 noon. He said he wouldn’t tell us HOW to do it nor would he tell us WHAT to give up but gave some suggestions such as: “if you get up every morning and have to have that coffee faithfully, then let that be the thing you focus on giving up”. “If you sit in front of the TV in the morning, keep it off…”. Basically, I believe he was saying that in addition to the traditional fasting without food, also cut out the one thing you think you can’t do without or that would be a major sacrifice for you. BINGO! you guessed it – for me it’s my electronics which means no iPod iTouch, no iPad, no Netbook, no PC, no phone, no texting and no emailing! Grrrrrr….!!! And by the way – although I originally wrote this with prehistoric pen and paper, it’s now after 12 noon so I’m obviously within the parameters of permission to plug back into the Matrix and now type this on my iPad in order to upload and post! Just sayin…….lol! At the time I pecked this out on stone with a sharp instrument like they did back in the day, it was about 10:30 and I had not had any food either so I may become a little incoherent with my thoughts as you get further into this.

Anyway, I feel totally lost – AND BORED – but am now asking the question, “Am I on the brink of addiction to this stuff? Have I really become so dependent on these things if I’m feeling this way?”. It’s sad to say, well not say but I guess for people to read, that I like many, have come to replace good old fashioned (although I don’t know how ‘good’ it really is – its all relative I guess), twice as long pen and paper effort with quick texting and impersonal emailing. To THAT I say “Oh well – it is what it is. I’ve never been a social butterfly anyway! Lol.” However, I have heard the commercial that says when you type, you don’t use your brain as much – well, at least my fingers are strong. On my down time (which I seem to have an abundance of these days) I also noticed that I don’t OPT (meaning CHOOSE) to get outside in the air as much as I used to but instead I OPT (there’s that word again) to stay immobile and be on the lookout for my pop-up alerts telling me that my crops are ready to be harvested in Farmville or that my cell phones are ready for shipment in We City or it’s my move in Words With Friends oh and let’s not forget my obsession with posting, commenting or just reading things on FACEBOOK and Twitter every 10 minutes (or less). My TV is literally collecting dust because I seriously DO NOT turn it on anymore due to seemingly always be in multitasking mode – I need to get the right angle of view, be able to get the comfort level of my liking – even if that means being covered in 5 layers of blankets – or just the ability to be able to pause, rewind, stop, or watch it again and because of these factors, I’ll watch my DVD’s and TV episodes on my PC, Netbook or albeit smaller – my portable DVD player. Now you tell me – is this extreme to you or not? Please say you’re worse or at least know SOMEBODY of equal craziness!

My point on closing is not to proclaim that I’ve had some harsh wakeup call from going cold turkey with my electronics for a few hours and that I’m now seeing that a 12 Step program called EA (Electronics Anonymous) is inevitably in my future and because of all this I’m considering becoming an activist for going back to the days of pre-advanced technology – NEVER COULD, NEVER WOULD! I’m just simply writing to let others know about my first day journey through HELL and that at the end of this week – since he didn’t specify the 5 day work week or the literal 7 day one, I’m going to use a technical loophole and go with the 5 day one – possibly see how this has affected me. I’m definitely curious to see if I can stick this out.

I know that we all use technology to different degrees and for different purposes. Take my friend Jo, who’s NOT a fan of FACEBOOK, chatting or even phone conversations but she will not hesitate to send me a 200 page (give or take a few pages) email on a daily basis – although I haven’t heard from her in a minute…..hmmmm? Aaron my son is the walking billboard for FACEBOOK – nothing else matters to him – he lives for FACEBOOK and that’s how he communicates with his friends – even the ones who he may be in the same room with at that moment! Then I have another friend, Melissa. Haven’t quite figured her out yet and where she stands in this world of wireless but i do know she’s not a FACEBOOK person but will hold a text conversation with you in a minute (provided she’s not busy – we’ve had some deep ones about our parents and about the good ole days when we were younger). So with all that said, I’m glad to know I’m not alone but I am realizing in those few hours of feeling paralyzed just how much I’ve allowed technology to dig its claws into me. Bottom line: would I go back and change it? Nope! Lol! At the time I originally was wrote this and was almost done, I had 40 minutes left before I could officially plug back in to my little virtual world so what I did was go open my front door, take in a few breaths in the name of “getting some fresh air”, then went back to my room and counted down the minutes! I chanted over and over, “Mama’s comin Farmville! Mama’s comin”

A Very OFF Day

Today was one of those days where I “just wasnt feeling it”! Ever have one (or more, lol) of those? I’m the type of person that can be overruled by emotions sometimes – only when it comes to certain issues mind you – which is kind of ironic since most people tend to see me as someone that rarely gets excited about anything or tends to stay calm unless you’ve really pushed my buttons. In general though, I live my life by the “what’s done is done and if you can do something about it, then do it – if not, don’t waste negative energy on it” motto. Now going back to today and why I just wasn’t feeling it, which happens to be directly related to one of those “certain issues” I mentioned above. Let me start from the beginning – or at least close to it……

I’ve been in the fitness industry for 14 years now as a fitness trainer. I obviously have a passion for it because I’ve stuck to it this long and have even seen lots and lots of turnover in the gyms because of so-called “trainers” who got into this business for the wrong reasons. Now, 14 years ago would make me younger, thinner, way more athletic and even a little (lots, lol) more active. With it though also came, at that time, an unhealthy obsession with body image (perpetrated by the need to look a certain way because of the work environment I was in which ultimately led to my eating disorder going into hyperdrive), an imbalance between work and family (a ratio that looked something like this: family < work), and the overwhelming NEED to make sure I was burning three billion calories a day, seven days a week even if it meant ultimate injury! Well, I’d like to think that I’ve overcome all these things through growth over the years. I’ve learned to TRY not to be so hard on myself when I don’t feel like hiking those 14.5 miles at Mt Tam or doing those six hours at Pt Reyes like i used to do faithfully every weekend but instead accept that I’ve grown into a different, wiser person that now has the option of taking a mini two hour flat hike and enjoying it just as much as i would when and if I choose to do a more intense one. I’d like to think that I’m still working on accepting that im not going to nor do I HAVE to look like the person I used to look like 14 years ago and that I’m in the process of creating a new me. So now fast forwarding to today when all these negative feelings and thoughts reared its ugly head during Yoga class.

I had a wake up call. I practiced Yoga for a total of 3 years several years ago and although the moves are very familiar, even the technical names of the poses are ingrained in to my memory, today was a real challenge because I could hardly hold the pose for more than five seconds let alone without feeling a strain here or a discomfort there! Talk about discouragement. Well, one thing led to another….the strains and pose holding micro seconds led to frustration, frustration led to digust with the fact that I’ve let myself get to the point of such low strength and endurance and this led to me allowing my emotions to overrule everything I’ve fought so hard to keep in check these past years: feeling like an unworthy fitness professional who can talk the talk EXTREMELY WELL but obviously has stopped walking the walk and it ultimately led to me leaving Yoga the last 30 minutes of class IN TEARS! Yes, life happens but when it comes to health and fitness aren’t I suppose to have the upper hand because of my experience, knowledge and education? Shouldn’t I have been able to nip MY OWN health and fitness in the bud so that it didn’t get this bad? This is one of the imbalances ive struggled with the last 14 years and I guess today was a reminder that I need to reevaluate some things concerning this. For those 2.16 persons who have my blog site address and those 1.67 of them that actually bother to come and read it, I’d love it if you have any feedback you’d like to share! 🙂